


Lean On Me

by Bettina (skybs)



Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-16
Updated: 2011-09-16
Packaged: 2017-10-23 19:18:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skybs/pseuds/Bettina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lance gets sick, the guys are scared and confused. Justin turns to JC for comfort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lean On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Tomilee, [don we now our gay apparel (SeSa) 2003](http://www.juppy.org/santa/index.php). With thanks to between_names and ramblinround.

"Justin, I... I thi...."

"Lance? What's wrong, Lance? Lance? ... Answer me damnit! ... Somebody help me! Quick! ... Lance? Can you hear me? ... Come on, Lance! Don't fucking do this! ... Lance!"

***

"Hey."

Justin looked up. He hadn't noticed JC coming over to his corner of the private waiting area. He had been busy watching the clock on the wall right over the door to the ICU. The steady rhythm of the second-hand had been oddly comforting--a lot more comforting than Chris' endless pacing and his worried glances towards the ICU entrance or Joey constantly asking the nurse if she had any news.

JC stood in front of him, the worry clear in his eyes. Was he supposed to say something? He didn't know. He didn't feel like talking, he didn't feel like anything. Over JC's right shoulder he could see the clock, the seconds ticking away.

How long had it been since they got here? Way too long. Everything was kind of blurry. It had all happened so fast and still the time seemed to have stopped. He saw images in his mind of Lance being loaded into the ambulance, then the rest of them racing to the hospital in Joey's car, minus Chris who had been allowed to ride with Lance.

He rubbed his clammy hands on his thighs, up and down and up again.

JC must have given up on an answer, because the next thing Justin registered was JC sitting down next to him. The hard plastic chair screeched over the floor as JC tried to make himself comfortable.

"You okay?" JC finally asked.

He shrugged. Was he okay? Not really. How could he be okay, when one of his best friends was so sick he had to be rushed to the hospital? It was surreal. This just wasn't supposed to happen.

Justin heard JC sigh, but kept staring at the clock.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Chris had started to poke Joey every time he walked past on his incessant path around the waiting room. He would start at one end of the room, look at all the pictures on the walls, sift through the magazines on the tables, poke Joey, walk over to the other side of the room, sit down in one of the chairs, just to jump up a second later and start all over again. Joey still asked the nurse every other minute if she knew anything new.

Any other time, Justin would have been amused. Chris was like a skipping record doing the same things over and over again. The nurse still smiled reassuringly at both Chris and Joey. If Justin were in her place, he would have stapled Chris to a chair and put a gag in Joey's mouth long ago.

The chair screeched again as JC shifted in his seat. "So," he started, "do you want to talk about it?"

Justin didn't look up this time. "No." His voice felt as rusty, as if he hadn't talked in years.

The entrance of a doctor saved him from more of JC's questions. Holding his breath, Justin watched as the physician made his way over to Lance's parents, who had arrived a couple hours ago. Chris, who had been busy "rearranging" one of the shelves, was at their side with just two large steps.

He couldn't sit still anymore. Justin jumped up from his chair and with every step towards his friends he heard his heart pound louder in his ears, drowning out everything else. He didn't have to turn to know JC was following him. Justin could feel JC’s presence, and even though he hadn't wanted to talk, it was comforting to know he was there.

As he stepped behind Chris, Justin’s hand instinctively reached out to touch his arm. JC and Joey were doing the same. All linked together, giving each other comfort. JC's other arm came up around his shoulders, hugging him close.

The doctor talked to Lance's parents and Justin could see his mouth move. He could hear the doc's voice, but the words made no sense to him. Just a string of sounds and nothing else. Frowning, he concentrated harder, but still only part of the conversation reached him, things like "heart problem," "serious condition," "too much stress," and "should rest." And then the doctor left.

Justin watched as Jim Bass embraced his wife and rubbed his hands over her back, soothingly, whispering to her. Next to him Chris started to shake his head and Justin felt the already tense muscles beneath his hand tense even more.

"No! No fucking way!" Chris' piercing voice made him wince.

"Chris!" Diane Bass stepped away from her husband’s embrace, looking a lot more collected than a couple minutes ago. "Calm down, you can't do anything here." Her voice was soothing and Justin wondered how she did it. He didn't think he would be able to be so level-headed in her shoes. Still, the slight shaking of her hands betrayed her.

"And Chris," she added, a tired smile playing around her mouth, "watch your language."

"Sorry," Chris mumbled guiltily, "but we're staying. We can't just leave, Diane."

Justin nodded. They couldn't leave. It was true that they couldn't do anything for Lance, but they were at least close to him. This had to count for something. If he were Lance, he would want them to stay near him.

"Yeah, we want to stay," Joey said and JC nodded vigorously.

Diane briefly closed her eyes. "Fine. I’ll ask the doctor when I go back to see Lance. Maybe one of you can go in to see him afterwards. But then," she paused to make eye contact with all of them, "you all have to promise to go home and get some rest."

They nodded, and Diane took Jim's hand and walked out the door the doctor had gone through. Chris bounced on his feet for a few seconds, then turned and restarted his pacing routine. Justin stood with JC and Joey and waited, and even though he knew it was only supposed to be five minutes, it seemed like forever before the door opened again. Justin didn't really think they would get the permission to see Lance, but Diane surprised him when she came back with good news.

Joey grinned widely. JC leaned forward, putting his hand on Chris' arm, "You go see him."

Chris turned. "You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, go tell him we love him."

Justin nodded in agreement. He was glad that Chris got to see Lance. If he was honest with himself, he wouldn't be able to handle seeing Lance lying in the hospital bed, tubes and needles sticking out of his body and monitors recording everything. It would make it too real. Sitting in the waiting room was bad enough.

He watched as Chris followed the nurse out of the waiting room and then went back to his seat. It didn't take long for JC to follow and sit down next to him. Justin felt JC's arm come around his shoulders, again. He was glad for the contact and after a few seconds he leaned his head on JC's shoulder.

Chris came back 10 minutes later, his face pale with red eyes and too quiet. It scared Justin. Chris was never quiet. He didn't say a single word on their way to the car, he didn't bounce or anything else; it was all very un-Chris-like. Justin knew how to deal with a jumpy Chris, he was used to it. But this, a quiet Chris was terrifying.

***

JC hummed just loud enough to break the silence on the ride home and his right hand rested on Chris' knee, squeezing once in awhile. Joey was driving and JC could see him glancing at them once in awhile in the rearview mirror. He hoped his humming would have a soothing effect on the guys, even though he didn't feel it himself. He had to try, though. What else could he do?

Justin stared out of the car window, arms crossed in front of his chest. His breathing was erratic and JC thought he heard a soft sniffle. He doubted Joey or Chris had noticed. They were too wrapped up in their own worries. He couldn't blame them, he was scared to death. He wouldn’t ever forget how pale Lance looked before he passed out, how much Lance had struggled to get through the day before it caught up with him.

But he also wouldn’t forget Justin's frightened voice that screamed and cried for Lance to wake up. It was heart-wrenching and all JC wanted that moment was to wrap his arms around Justin and never let go. He loved all the guys--they were his best friends, his family. But the things he felt for Justin went beyond that.

JC had always pushed these feelings to the back of his mind. After all, crushing on his best friend wasn't something he could really do anything about. The age difference was one reason--and knowing Justin since MMC was another--he couldn't allow himself to think about it. He didn't even remember how it had started, but their time in Germany had changed many things and that included his perception of Justin. Over and over again, he had forced his feelings away, but recently, they were getting stronger, and he wasn't sure if he still wanted to ignore them.

Now, if ever, was hardly the time to do anything about it. Still, the urge to _comfor_ t Justin, if nothing else, was strong. He wanted to be close to Justin and maybe even ease his own fears.

Back at the house, JC followed Justin to his room, hoping he could get Justin to talk to him. It wasn't healthy for any of them to keep everything bottled up inside. Eventually, the pressure would get too much and they didn't need that on top of everything else. JC was about to say something when Justin suddenly turned to him.

"Leave me alone, please," Justin whispered, his voice trembling.

JC moved closer and put his hand on Justin's shoulder reassuringly. "We're all worried and scared. I just want to help you."

Justin looked up, the exhaustion and pain clear in his eyes. "I know, but I don't want to talk about it. I can't, not now."

"It's okay. Just remember, I'm here for you any time. Got it?" JC rubbed his hand reassuringly over Justin’s shoulder and arm.

"Got it."

"Good." He hugged Justin and then turned to leave the room. He hesitated a moment in the open doorway.

"Go, I'm fine."

"You sure?" For just a few seconds, JC thought Justin might take him up on his offer to talk.

"I'm sure." Justin's voice didn't sound so sure, but he didn't want to argue about it.

"Okay, then," he replied, "Good night." The door closed softly behind him.

***

Rest didn't come that night for Justin. He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. After hours of tossing and turning, he couldn’t even try to sleep anymore. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Lance lying on the floor, motionless and pale. Then Lance would morph into one of the other guys. Sometimes it was Chris or Joey or even himself, but almost all the time it was JC, lying on the ground.

He should have talked to JC earlier, but something held him back. The others were worried enough about Lance, he didn't want to add to the troubles. If it meant that he had to deal with it on his own, so be it.

But then, JC had said he could come to him any time. Sighing, he finally got up. He grabbed his pillow and left his room silently. The hall was dark, but he could see light coming through the slightly ajar door to the kitchen. Curiously he moved toward the room.

Chris was sitting at the dining table, his head resting on his arms. His shoulders were shaking, but Justin couldn't tell if he was crying or not. Joey came up behind Chris, placing a cup of coffee on the table. He started to rub his hand over Chris' back, softly talking to him. The shaking stopped after awhile, but Joey continued to stroke his back.

Justin slowly backed away from the door. He couldn't watch anymore. He had never seen Chris in a state like that. It was frightening.

He went back and stood in front of JC's door for a few minutes working up the courage to open it. He shut the door quietly, and stood watching the sleeping form on the bed. He clutched his pillow tightly to his chest.

He suddenly didn’t know what to do. He rocked back and forth on his feet, mentally debating. It was a stupid idea, anyway. JC was obviously sound asleep. It wouldn't be fair to wake him up just because he couldn't sleep. JC needed his rest.

Before he could turn around and go back to his own room, though, JC shifted on the bed. He opened his eyes slowly. "Justin?"

"Um…." For a second he considered running from the room. "I can't sleep," he added finally.

JC held up one corner of the blanket, and motioned for Justin to come closer. Justin hesitated for a moment, but then went over. Carefully he placed his pillow on the bed and then got in under the covers, pressing himself against JC.

Justin felt JC's arm slide around his waist, pulling him closer. He covered JC's hand on his belly, interlacing their fingers. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Yawning, he squeezed JC's hand once, just a small gesture to say "thank you." He fell asleep moments later.

***

JC woke up the next morning with Justin cuddled to his side, still asleep. He was glad Justin finally got some rest. He looked so peaceful and so incredibly young. It made him feel slightly guilty for having those feelings, but then he knew perfectly well that Justin wasn't an innocent young boy anymore, if he ever had been.

Having Justin in his arms was a lot more comforting than he had thought it might be. The night before, the steady rise and fall of Justin's belly and listening to his regular breathing had soothed him. He definitely could get used to having Justin in his arms every night. _Not very likely,_ he thought.

But he was here, now. JC took a moment to look up and down Justin's body, noting not for the first time the obvious changes. Justin was a lot taller now and over the last year he had filled out considerably. The defined muscles on arms and chest were the result of a regular workout in addition to the dance rehearsals. But there were also the other changes, and they were far more subtle, like the way Justin guarded himself when they were in public, using his fake smile more and more often.

Starting just above the left eyebrow, JC trailed his index finger over Justin's face over the cheekbone, down to the full lips where he couldn't help but trace the outline and finally brush his finger over them. Suddenly, Justin licked his lips and JC snatched his hand back just before Justin’s tongue touched his finger. _That was close._

He got up before he could be tempted to do more. _Damn,_ he thought when he looked back at Justin in his bed, _I could get used to that._ He allowed himself one more glance, then made himself walk away toward the bathroom to get ready for the day.

***

"Fuck this!" Chris yelled and almost punched his fist against the wall. Joey barely managed to hold him back.

Chris was furious; they all were. The meeting first thing in the morning at the house hadn't gone well at all. They had argued with Lou for a long time, but in the end he hadn't cared and ordered them to perform without Lance. They couldn’t even go to the hospital first to explain it to him. Chris had even gone so far as to threaten a performance walk-out, but Chris and Lou both knew who really had the power. Chris had known he was defeated, and Lou had left with a smug look on his face.

Chris struggled to get out of Joey's hold. "Let me go, damnit!"

"Only if you promise not to hurt yourself."

Chris nodded, and Joey to loosened his hold. The next thing they knew, Chris grabbed the nearest water bottle and threw it across the room.

Justin stared at the scene in front of him: the bottle lay in the middle of the broken remnants of a mirror and Chris was shaking with rage. Chris’ eyes darker than Justin had ever seen. A flash of a passed-out Chris made his heart race.

He just couldn’t take it any longer. Justin ran from the room, slamming the door behind him, He ran down the hall. Every breath hurt and the world in front of his eyes became blurry.

Blinking the tears out of his eyes, he finally stopped. He found himself behind the house. It was a beautiful day, clear sky, sun shining brightly. It didn't fit his mood at all. All he wanted to do was to scream, but no sound came out of his mouth.

With closed eyes and hands clenched to fists, he leaned back on the wall of the house.

 _Fucking bastard,_ he thought. How could Lou expect them to perform? They'd suck without Lance. But all Lou cared about was the money and made them work even harder.

"Fucking bastard!" This time he said it out loud, repeating it over and over again.

The vision of Lance lying on the ground came back again. He remembered how helpless he had felt. Justin had desperately tried to wake Lance up. He’d yelled at him and pulled on his arm, shaken his shoulders, but there was no reaction and for a short horrible moment he had thought Lance was dead. It was the first time that someone he cared for was so sick and it frightened him. The horrible images that kept creeping into his head last night weren’t helping matters.

He clenched and unclenched his fists. It made him angry that Lou hadn't seemed to care at all. It was all business to that asshole. Justin understood Chris' reaction. All he had wanted to do in that moment was to punch his fist into Lou's smirking face. "Fucking bastard," he whispered again.

And then, all of a sudden JC was there, embracing him. Justin hadn't even heard that someone had followed him outside.

"Everything's going to be okay," JC whispered softly in his ear, and for a split second, Justin believed it.

JC held him for a long time, running his hand up and down Justin’s back. Slowly, he started to calm down. It was like last night, when he could finally relax after crawling under JC’s covers.

There was something else, too, that went beyond just feeling at peace. Justin had already felt it the night before. The warmth that had spread from his stomach where their hands were joined and the way his heart would make this slight jump whenever JC looked at him. It felt more than right to be in JC's arms.

***

Justin stayed in his embrace a long time, not that JC minded. Far from it. He prolonged it as long as he could, but eventually they had to go back.

Chris was still mad, of course, his eyes almost black with fury. Joey had tried to calm Chris down, but it only brought him a bruise on his upper arm where Chris had hit him. Knowing there wasn’t anything he could do, that Chris would work out his anger in his own time, JC decided to let him be.

The ride to the venue for their sound check and pre-concert routine was eerie. No one talked, they didn't look at each other, it was just weird. Chris stared out of the window the whole time, Joey had his eyes closed, humming under his breath, and Justin sat next to JC, their thighs pressed against each other.

Sound check was a mess. They tried their best to work out their performance without Lance, but it was harder than any of them thought it might be. The meet and greet was definitely strained. All the girls kept asking about Lance and JC could see how hard Chris had to control himself. He wouldn't turn his anger on their fans, JC was sure of that, but that didn't mean he wouldn’t say something inappropriate.

Both Chris and Joey were on the phone with Lance's parents every free moment. The relief in Chris' eyes when Diane told them that Lance was awake and doing a lot better was the best thing JC had seen in awhile. He couldn't help but smile happily as Chris hung up the phone and gave Joey a huge hug.

JC went to look for Justin to give him the good news. He found him in wardrobe, talking to one of the wardrobe mistresses. He wandered over to them, grinning like a fool. "Guess what?"

Justin raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"Chris just talked to Diane. She said Lance is awake and he's going to be alright," he told them, hugging Justin, maybe a bit longer than absolutely necessary.

"That's fantastic," Justin agreed, his hand still lingering on JC's back.

"That's really great, guys," the wardrobe girl chimed in, smiling.

"It really is, isn't it?" JC added, smiling at Justin and barely glancing as the wardrobe girl wandered off to share the news. His back tingled where Justin touched him and this made his grin even wider. Right this moment, life was pretty good.

But even though they had gotten the good news about Lance, the show was bad, really bad. They sounded off-balance without Lance’s bass. JC almost tripped over his own feet a few times and he staggered when he didn't see Lance where he expected him to be. It was weird to see Justin flip Chris during "I Want You Back" and he missed the low rumble of Lance's voice in his earpiece.

As soon as they were off the stage they were on their way to the car.

"The hospital?" JC was the one to ask the rhetorical question. Where else would they go?

"You bet," Chris responded, with a determined expression on his face.

It was unlikely for them to get to see Lance at this hour, but being close to him would make them feel a lot better. Besides, JC knew Chris was hatching a plot to sneak into Lance's room.

They met up with Lance's parents at the hospital. Diane and Jim looked just like he felt, worried and tired, with dark circles under their eyes. They hugged them, one after the other, and without missing a beat Chris and Joey started to apologize again for not taking enough care of Lance.

Both of Lance’s parents dismissed the apology with a tired smile. They all felt guilty about it. They all should have realized it sooner, they should have made Lou let Lance take a break. But in the end it was too late to think about "what if."

JC went to the coffee machine just down the hall to get a cup for himself and Lance's dad. He didn't know why they didn't have one in the private waiting area, but he was grateful for the opportunity to slip away and stretch his legs a bit. On his way back he saw Chris duck out of the room and sneak his way down the hall in the direction of Lance's room.

Smiling to himself, he entered the waiting room. He handed Jim the coffee, then sat down next to Justin, squeezing his leg a bit with his free hand. Justin looked up, and smiled, but shook his head when JC offered a sip of his coffee. JC was glad to see that Justin seemed a lot more relaxed, but he didn't quite trust it. Justin had been too upset back at the house, he didn't think Justin's frustration and anger had just disappeared.

He picked up one of the magazines lying on the table next to his seat, but put it back down when he saw their own faces on the cover. Reading about himself wasn't on his "things to do while waiting in a hospital" list. He looked at the clock on the wall, watching the second-hand move. JC started to drum his fingers on his thigh, automatically matching the pattern of the clock.

"Stop it."

He tapped out the rhythm on his thigh again. "What?" he asked, puzzled.

Justin grabbed his hand, effectively stilling his fingers. "This."

He looked down at Justin's hand on top of his own. Turning his hand palm up, he intertwined their hands. "Oh," he said, "I can do that." His pulse quickened, subtly. It was stupid, it was just a simple touch. A simple touch and yet so different and he didn't want to let go.

When Chris came back he was a lot more energized, not quite bouncing, but with a big smile on his face. JC grinned, turning to Justin to point it out to him. Everything was going to be okay, he just knew it. When Justin returned his smile, JC could feel his own growing bigger. He continued to rub his thumb over the soft skin of Justin's hand, and relaxed, just a little.

***

Justin looked at his reflection in the mirror. They had come back from the hospital not long ago, everyone in high spirits, but now he didn't feel as confident anymore. He had no idea why. He felt tired, but there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes and something else.

He sat down on the floor with his head on his knees, leaning against the bathtub. He was nervous for no apparent reason. But then, maybe he was lying to himself about that. His heart started to flutter as he remembered sitting next to JC in the hospital, their clasped hands between them.

Just maybe that was reason enough to be nervous.

"What are you doing here?"

JC's voice startled him just a little bit. He wasn't really surprised that JC had turned up, he kind of hoped he would. "I don't know," he answered finally.

JC crouched in front of him, stroking his hand over Justin's arm.

"Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I just need to let everything sink in, you know?"

JC nodded. "Emotional rollercoaster, huh?"

"To put it mildly," he snorted, "but everything's going to be okay now." Justin looked at JC's hand on his arm. "Lance is going to be alright, Chris will hopefully calm down again, and we…." he trailed off, moving his arm so that JC's hand rested on his own.

"And we're going to be fine as well."

Justin looked up in JC's smiling face, almost drowning in the blue eyes. His heart fluttered wildly in his chest and then JC was leaning forward, coming closer and even closer. Almost unconsciously, Justin licked his lips, and he could see JC’s eyes darting down to watch his tongue. Justin tipped his head forward, slightly.

And then their lips brushed against each other.

It wasn't more than a short touch, but it was electrifying. He had to have more. Justin’s tongue came out to taste JC's lips, sweet like honey. JC's mouth opened for him and Justin slipped his tongue inside. He twined his arms around JC's neck, his only thought: "more, more, more".

JC was the one who finally broke the kiss, leaving Justin breathless.

"This okay?" JC whispered against his mouth, stroking his fingers over Justin's cheek. Justin could only nod, his lips burning from their kiss.

JC smiled. "Good," he mumbled, before he recaptured Justin's lips for more.

They kissed for a long time, stopping only a moment to get up from the cold bathroom floor and make their way to Justin's room. Settling down on the bed they lay face to face, touching and kissing.

There wouldn't be much more than that, Justin knew. It wasn't the right time, maybe later, but for now he was content with this. Just touching JC, brushing his fingers over the soft skin and feeling the muscles ripple beneath his fingertips, was enough.

He was still worried about Lance, worried that one of the others could get sick, but knowing JC was always there for him made him feel stronger. Justin ran his tongue over JC's lower lip, smiling when he heard JC gasp. Yes, this definitely was just the beginning and he intended to enjoy every second of it.

***

Lance still looked pale when they visited him the next day, but he seemed to be feeling much better. It was just the five of them in the room and JC watched as Lance laughed at Chris, who was sitting on Lance's bed playing with the remote control for the adjustable headrest.

Joey stood next to the bed with a big grin on his face, ruffling his hand through Lance's hair. Pushing Joey's hand away, Lance looked over at them on the other side of the bed. JC knew he was checking out his and Justin’s hands, which were clasped between them.

"So," Lance said, looking first at Justin then at JC, "anything exciting happen that I should know about?"

JC couldn't suppress the wide smile. He glanced at Justin and saw an identical expression on his face. "Yeah, I guess so," he said, squeezing the hand in his.

Chris studied them with a puzzled look. "Did I miss something?"

"Nah," JC deadpanned, "you didn't miss a thing."

Lance and Joey snickered.

"What?" Chris turned back to Lance. "What?" he repeated, a definite whine in his voice.

Joey slapped Chris on the back. "Don't worry, dude, the guy who has been asleep for two days is going to explain it to you very slowly."

"Explain wh…"

Lance pointed to JC, who grinned and then pressed a kiss to Justin’s lips.

"Ooohhhh…."

  
The End.


End file.
